Perspectives on Parenting with a Disability

When it comes to parenting, there aren’t very many parents with disabilities in play groups, after school groups, or even recreational groups for our children. However, there are parents with a range of disabilities in society. Sometimes people are too caught up in our limitations to realize that people with disabilities can be successful parents too. The issues faced by parents with disabilities aren’t really known by mainstream society. We are still seen as people who are incapable of parenting because of our limitations. This misconception doesn’t stop people with disabilities from dreaming and planning to become parents.

Social media posts exist that tell parents to teach their children to be accepting of the kids with disabilities in their surroundings. The first ingredient is for the fear of disability to be erased in adults. People with disabilities are still seen as people who are constantly ill or can’t take care of themselves at all. There is the misconception that it is too cumbersome to afford us the accommodations to meet our basic needs.  People believe we live a miserable existence and there is little positivity that surrounds us. This may sound uncomfortable or difficult because some people don’t know where to start. The solution to overcoming this myth is to find out more information from reliable sources on disability. This should be the starting point to unveiling the unknown of what it is to really live with a disability. Unfortunately, society allows different forms of media to shape people’s frame of reference without having real life experiences to draw upon.

The reality is that people with disabilities are productive members of society who deserve the chance to not be judged solely on appearance. Parents with disabilities are still left in the shadows or criticized for their choice to become a parent in the first place. There are resources, support and pieces of assistive technology available that make the job of parenting with a disability a possibility for those interested in exploring that avenue and a reality to those that are already parents.  On the flipside, we are still parents to children who love us, who only see us as their parents and see our disability as secondary if even at all. It is rarely an issue to kids that we have any sort of limitation. Adding to the conversation of what parenting with a disability is really like is one way to add a layer to a topic that is rarely discussed. It is time that it be brought out of the shadows.

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

The way people with disabilities have been treated and portrayed by society has significantly changed for the better. There are more true-to-life stories being told. These accounts unmask what other people are so afraid to talk about. That doesn’t mean further change of people’s mindset surrounding our community couldn’t be accomplished. Acceptance of parents with disabilities is one of the components that could be used as a starting point to get the dialog of what living with a disability is really like.

This may seem like a tall order to fill, even in the 21st century. There are still societal and attitudinal barriers that are faced by the disability community regularly. These only seem to be amplified by mentioning the words parenting with a disability in the same sentence. There are so many related topics that are seen as taboo when you add the fact that some people with disabilities decide to have a family. There are still important issues like healthcare, relationships and over all well being that are ignored for people with disabilities because we don’t need those kinds of services. The reality of the matter is that we need more accessible information to be available so that we can have an increased quality of life. This information will help us make informed choices on the options of healthcare. That is when we will be able to make informed decisions about those subjects. The people who are most cherished in our lives need us to be healthy so we can participate in everyday activities.

It is important to raise awareness of parents with disabilities to the next level. People need to have the opportunity to learn more about what parents with disabilities must overcome even when making the decision of whether to go down the road of parenting in the first place. Sometimes people feel like parents that have a disability will become a burden to their children. Everyone’s child wants to take care of their parents as they age. Parents with disabilities are no different.

The conversations we have with our children and others around us are important in shaping the views people have surrounding a concept. The ideas shared on the subject with their children will help form the belief systems they will carry through their lives. If we can turn the tide to a more positive feeling surrounding disability, that would be a step in the right direction. Then there will be change and as a result mainstream society will see parents and people with disabilities in a more positive light.

Hopefully through the next series of content posted on the blog, questions will be answered and things that some people are afraid to ask will be answered.

Different Methods Help You Communicate with Your Child’s Teacher as a Parent with a Disability

As parents, we all know that our children’s success in school helps them carve out a path to their future. Part of that success in school is being able to communicate with your child’s teacher and be part of the educational team. As a parent with a disability, you may feel like you face obstacles in communicating with their teachers or even participating in the educational journey they are on, but do not be discouraged. There are many ways to communicate with your child’s teacher.

Whether it’s this subject or another obstacle you may face in accomplishing your goals as a parent with a disability, the best advice I can give you is to create a plan. That plan needs to be specific to your needs. You should have it outlined in your mind at the minimum to know what you are going to do when you need to put it into effect.

When my son began attending school, the options were limited as to how I would interact with the teachers and other school staff as independently as possible. Being unable to drive, I knew issues would present themselves, though I was not sure how I was going to solve the puzzle that was in front of me.  I decided to come up with an alternative way so that I would be able to compensate for my limitations. I was determined to be as involved in every aspect of his schooling as possible and was not going to allow the obstacles that lie in front of me from having the same experience with my child as other parents that did not have a disability. Their school experience is where kids make a lot of memories with their families, and I wanted to share that part of his life with him too.

When it was time to attend parent teacher conferences or meet the teacher, I had to tap into my natural supports to make that happen. Natural supports, also sometimes referred to as organic supports, are a great tool you should already have in place before an event. This will alleviate your need to be worried at the last minute about how you can get certain things done. It took having a network of different people willing to help by being available at specific times so I could participate in those activities.

When the pandemic unexpectedly arrived in early 2020, the ways in which people were communicating and handling their daily lives got flipped upside down. That included how students were attending school. Suddenly, my son was home attending classes over the camera on my computer and he even brought some classes literally into my living room.

On a positive note, the new options that were available not only made things easier but also more accessible. The technology allowed me to interact with his teachers more independently. This helped since I no longer had to coordinate with someone else’s schedule to make sure I could participate in a school meeting.

Things like using email communication, phone conferencing or video conferencing allow you to have open communication with teachers and other staff people. This is a great option to allow open communication whether they have an issue with the student that needs to be addressed or if you have a concern you need to bring to their attention. Suddenly, the limitations your disability might place on you have disappeared and are no longer a factor. You can focus on the matter at hand which is your student’s educational needs.

The most important thing is to be a proactive and involved parent on your student’s educational journey. Research the ways you can participate in the school’s events. Make a plan you feel good about and is functional for you. As a result, being able to be a present and proactive parent will let your child know they are loved and supported.

When interacting with their teachers, reassure them you are a proactive parent and are there to support your student and the teacher in their work. Not only will these steps help your student succeed in their educational life, but you will have the chance to make memories with them that will give them a chance for a successful future.

Origins of The Mama’s Munchkin Blog

This year marks the 10th anniversary of starting this blog. In the past, when people found out I had created a blog they always wanted to know the reasoning behind it. So, I thought I’d take this time to give you the inside scoop on how it all started.

I originally started the blog because I wanted to set off on the journey of having a family. I knew that it wouldn’t be easy. I knew I was going to have to do some research and learn as much as I could about how my pregnancy would or would not affect my disability.  I knew I was going to come up against obstacles I hadn’t faced before in my life because of my disability. I was also curious about what technology was available to help me along the way. My first goal was to be proactive and start to solve the problems I could see up ahead. I began looking for information and resources on parenting with a disability.

I don’t think disability is as rare as some people make it seem. Due to an array of different reasons, the population of people with disabilities is growing regularly. Medical advances are also allowing people to live longer lives. We may have to think outside the box to overcome our obstacles but that makes it like a continual puzzle that needs to be solved until the next challenge arises.

Since the information I was searching for seemed nonexistent, and I had some experience writing, I decided to be a voice of information and educational resources. I also wanted it to be something fun so that whoever came across the blog could gain a positive understanding of what living with a disability was truly like.

So many times, disability has had a negative connotation surrounding it. Complicating things, I had run into people that were second-guessing my parenting abilities with no concrete evidence. They were making assumptions based on my outward appearance. Dating, family, and other topics that are of a personal nature always seemed taboo. Honestly, I’ve never seen those topics that way and wanted a place for people to know that we are all just human beings.

Becoming tired of seeing and hearing a lot of negativity surrounding living with a disability and the misconceptions people still have about it, I want people to understand it’s not the end of the world and people with disabilities are no one’s charity case. The blog is here as a source to get meaningful information on how to overcome each obstacle and find a better perspective on the best ways available to move forward under different circumstances. Anyone who is interested in learning more about this topic is also welcome on this journey. They can trust this to be a source where they can get pointed in the right direction and encouragement to achieve their goals.

I thought about how people would be frustrated and needed a reliable resource to look toward and know they weren’t alone. I had no idea what the blog would turn into. It’s been an information source that has raised awareness about different issues that are important to me and the disability community. It’s also been a place where people connect and find resources they need. I am happy that it has grown and has such a loyal readership. In the coming years I hope the blog continues to grow and be known as a source of reliable information and a place where people can leave comments to questions they might not otherwise feel comfortable asking in other settings.

Tips for Recharging Your Energy as a Parent with a Disability

Being a parent with a disability can sometimes require more energy than you know you have. It’s possible to sometimes find time and pace yourself in the jobs that need to get done during the day to keep your household running. Finding time to recharge may seem like a difficult thing or maybe even a bit selfish.

The coronavirus pandemic has also caused extra stress in our lives as a society. More than ever, it is important, not only to spend time with our kids but also to recharge our batteries. Finding the balance to both is one of the keys to success.

When I first became a parent, I felt like this was something I shouldn’t do. I felt like my son needed my attention all the time and if I couldn’t be there for him day and night, I was doing something wrong. After some reflection on those ideas, I realized it’s not an all or none situation. When I thought about it some more, carving out time for myself, separate from my family responsibilities is one of the best things for me to do for my family and for myself.

You may have to work to schedule the time in so that you can make this happen but, it is totally possible. It is important to note that the ideas listed below can also be used by parents without a disability. These are five ways to make time for yourself to recharge your batteries:

Exercise. Even as a person with a disability, it’s important to get active. There are a lot of options available to help you do that. Adaptive sports or adaptive self defense classes exist so that people with disabilities can participate in many different pastimes that can be lots of fun. There are now also many opportunities to have virtual fitness and yoga classes that can fit your schedule.

Reading or Audiobooks. Reading has proven benefits such as lowering your blood pressure. Reading can help you learn something new or relax by catching up on the latest best-selling paperback. It also gives you the opportunity to be transported to places you may not otherwise have the opportunity to visit.

Sleeping. Getting some extra sleep is always a good thing. Sleep can help reduce stress, regulate blood sugar, and keeps your heart healthy. During the earlier years a lot of new parents can experience a lack of sleep because their baby is adjusting to a sleep schedule. It might also be a good idea to take naps while your little one is napping too.

Watching television/Streaming services. There are so many options available today to watch your favorite television show. Whether it is binge watching your favorite episodes of Gilmore Girls or The Mandalorian, there is something available for everyone in a commercial free format.

Focus on Yourself. Get back to basics and unplug when possible. This might be things like learning a new hobby or skill. Maybe it means taking a bubble bath or a long shower. Maybe it’s time to tap into the many workshops, classes or other peer support groups you can find online.

Like with most of my lists, don’t limit yourself to these options. Find things to do that are important to you and communicate with loved ones to help with babysitting duties if necessary. Most of the activities listed here can be done during nap time or if a babysitter just isn’t an option for you.

The pandemic has changed the ways in which we interact with each other. Some of the ways we have available to us now give us the opportunity to interact and access resources like never before. It’s a good time to look around and inventory what interests you. More than likely there are resources available for you to tap into that can meet your needs. 

Once you come back to your family and your daily routine you will be able to be rested and more able to be present to handle whatever life sends your way.

Experiences of Parenting with a Disability Help Increase Disability Awareness

Mother’s Day is a time to celebrate mothers and all they do. Since Mother’s Day was this past Sunday, it made me think about how I’ve used the experiences of parenting with a disability I’ve had through the years. There are three main ways I’ve used my experiences. When I thought about it more, all of them are important to raising awareness of issues surrounding people with disabilities too.

Some people would say that parenting isn’t for everyone. The same could be said from the perspective of a parent with a disability. Every time I give my speech about parenting with a disability, the main message is to do your research before you make any choice.

In the beginning, I didn’t realize the challenges I would face when it came to the way people reacted to me being pregnant. The same was true after my son was born. I wasn’t even sure how I would compensate for my physical limitations. It was both exciting and left me with a sense of apprehension. I was also adjusting to the weekly changes my body was going through from the pregnancy. Some of those changes made life a little more complicated. I was happy to go through these challenges because of the new adventures and experiences parenting was going to allow me to have with my baby.

Because I realized that my son learns from my behaviors and how he sees me react to others, I didn’t want to give him a negative example. I decided to use the experiences and turn them into something positive. The three ways I highlight in this post can have a positive impact on society and the way it perceives people with disabilities in a variety of ways.

The first way is to educate the public. There have been times in a store or even when my son played soccer where people have confronted me with their misconceptions about people with disabilities. Sometimes they have said blatantly mean things to me about being in the outdoors or out in public.  Instead of having a negative reaction, I use the opportunity to let people ask questions. This approach is surprising to them but, I believe it’s the only way to help get rid of the unnecessary fear or misconceptions they might have. Most of the time it has created an ongoing dialogue with the people around me at the time it happens. Once people see there is an available space to ask questions, they seem more at ease. It allows them the chance to gain a better perspective into the human experience of disability.  Hopefully, it helps them not be so afraid at other times when they may encounter a person with a disability.

The second way is to advocate for issues related to parenting with a disability. Luckily, I have had previous experiences advocating for myself and others for different reasons. For someone who feels like advocacy is a scary or intimidating topic, it’s never too late to start sharpening your advocacy skills. It can be an exciting journey where you learn more about yourself and the way each organization functions. You can also tap into different avenues available in your community for help. Whether it has something to do with school, sports or getting to my son’s doctor’s appointments, I’ve had to advocate for different issues. Other examples include requesting needed accommodations to attend a parent teacher conference or using a delivery service to get a prescription. For the most part, once you express a need there are people around willing to lend a hand.

The third way is to foster a sense of acceptance and understanding of people who have different limitations. For example, it takes me a little longer to get on the floor and play with my son. He has  learned to be patient with me and even figured out ways to help. Having a parent with a disability helps children be more patient with their parents, themselves and other people. Because he has watched me adapt to different environments, he has a greater awareness of his surroundings. There have even been articles stating that children of parents with disabilities develop greater emotional skills and are more empathetic than kids whose parents are not disabled.

Everyone’s journey of parenting and parenting with a disability will be different. The most important part is to enjoy the ride because it goes by quickly. Parenting with a disability tests your strengths and limitations like you would never imagine. It provides great rewards that are worth every moment spent overcoming obstacles and sharpening your skills. The result is an experience no one can take away from you. It will strengthen the bond you have with your child for years to come.

Survival Tips for New Parents

Since the New Year has finally arrived, I started thinking about what I would’ve loved to have known before I became a new mom.  As you may or may not know from previous posts, I had done research on what it might be like for me having a disability and being a mom as much as I could through books but, looking back now, I’ve learned some things as the years have gone on, that not only would’ve been helpful to me for certain reasons, but would’ve made the journey of parenting a bit less stressful.  My hope is to inspire people, disabled as well as not disabled alike, and put more ideas in their toolbox of parenting to make their days a lot more productive and a little less stressful.  Included are three things I’ve found most important so far that I wish I would’ve known, but am glad to have recently discovered, that have been of great help to me.

Organization is a big thing, especially right before baby arrives.  We spend lots of time painting rooms, buying cribs and washing clothes before the first time our baby will wear them.  This is very important and part of the excitement of our little one’s arrival. Although this can be a very hectic time, it would also be a good idea to reorganize your home too. Places like the kitchen might be a good place to start. This would help so that during those 2 a.m. feedings, you have a good idea exactly where things can be found.  As our kids get older, this idea will help make it easier to organize things like toys, books and even games.

Make a simple routine commonplace.  At first, there’s more times than not an adjustment period to your babies sleep habits.  Once that has been worked out, it’s a good idea to get them into a routine that works for you and your family.  It may take some time to figure this out, but the benefits can be many and help your child in a variety of ways.  It helps set expectations at home and at school so that they have a predictable environment where they can feel safe and secure.  This is also helpful to you as their parent because you can have a better idea of how you’ll be able to get certain things, like laundry or paying bills done in a timely manner.  Although these may not be our favorite things to do, it’s no doubt a stress reliever one they’re done.

Find fun and low or no cost “baby and me” activities to help in the development of not only your baby but also for yourself as a parent.  Local libraries and community centers have great activities and resources from almost birth for you and your baby.  Starting early to develop not only your bond with your child, but also bonds for both of you in your community is a great resource.  Not only can your child play with friends their age but, you could also connect with parents and get advice on different aspects of parenting, or even the name of a good pediatrician in your area.

Everyone parents differently, and there is no one “right” way to do it.  It’s really all about what works for you and your family.  You may decide that none of these ideas are for you, or all of them work great.  It might be that this post gets you thinking about what might work for you and how to implement it into your life.  It’s never too late to try and make changes to improve your home life in ways you see fit.  Lastly, enjoy your baby at every stage of their growth and development.  The time passes very quickly, and before you know it you’re wondering where your baby has gone.  Hopefully these tips can help you maximize your enjoyment, time and memories you make with your child,  while minimizing the everyday stress that’s a normal part of life.

Thanks for reading..

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Potty Training Made Easier

Potty Training your toddler can be a daunting task for any parent, much less one who has a disability.  When I started training my son during the day, I’d lead him to the bathroom every twenty to thirty minutes so there wouldn’t be the inevitable accident most parents dread.  This went on until he got into a routine and no longer needed supervision.  I was so proud that not only did he gain a bit more independence from me but, that was less time I had to worry about changing diapers. Step one was complete.  The next phase was night time training. This was something I wasn’t looking forward to in the least.  I’d been told stories about how I’d be changing sheets at 3 o’clock in the morning and having extra loads of laundry to look forward to.  Needless to say this  wasn’t appealing to me at all.  At the same time, I knew I’d have to take the bull by the horns sooner or later and pretty much conquer the unknown.

We started the journey of night time training by implementing the idea of using the bathroom before nap time.  My idea was not to inundate him with the full transition all at once.  I also took an extra step and bought a plastic mattress cover that I placed underneath the sheets.  Then, we made a trip to the store and I bought extra underwear along with a few extra sets of pajamas.  Surely, I thought to myself,  this was going to equal so many more loads of laundry than is normally the case.  While going through the aisles, I stumbled upon Goodnites Disposable Bed Mats.  I decided to give them a try and put them on top of my son’s sheets to see what would happen.  I figured at the very least, they might save me from doing some extra laundry.  I was pleasantly surprised to find the few times I needed to change them (yes, and it was at 3 in the morning), they were absorbent and did not even wet  down to the sheets in the slightest.  It’s not generally been my habit in the past to use my posts to review products, or endorse one thing or another either way, however, I feel I’d be doing readers a disservice if I didn’t attempt to give tips to parents who are both disabled and not disabled on ideas that might help getting through these milestones a bit easier.

Because of the limited use of my hand, I found changing the pad, instead of changing his sheets to be fast and easy.  One pointer I can think of is to be careful when you are initially putting a pad on the sheets.  The adhesive side of the pads are super sticky so be prepared to immediately put it down on the mattress.  If not, it’s possible that it will stick together.  This could be an unnecessary headache, especially at 3 in the morning.  The only extra suggestion I have as far as using this product would be to buy a few packs at a time, at least in the beginning.  In the end, this product has made the experience an even easier task to tackle then I originally thought it would be.  It’s also made the transition for my son to be fully toilet trained faster than expected.  As a result, he has become even more independent than before, and wakes up dry every morning.  This makes both of us proud that we’ve conquered yet another goal together with shining success.

Thanks for reading..

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Caitlyn Jenner’s Speech has Potential to Reach Many

This past week, Caitlyn Jenner accepted The Arthur Ashe Courage Award at the 2015 ESPYs. Since the announcement that Bruce Jenner, an Olympic Medalist and past spokesperson, was transitioning to become Caitlyn Jenner people have voiced mixed reactions on every form of Social Media. I didn’t get to see the speech on television when it aired, but caught it the next day on YouTube.

At first, I, like a lot of other people, felt like Noah Galloway should receive the award. Now, I feel like I understand why Caitlyn Jenner got it instead of Noah. In my opinion, the simple fact that Caitlyn Jenner gave such an eloquent speech with such a powerful message, not only about and for the transgender community but, also, if we step back for a moment, a message that could be applied to the disabled community as well, is a sign of courage all by itself.  The main theme of her speech was about acceptance, no matter our differences. If we really take a moment to think about it, acceptance as a whole is what everyone ultimately wants.

In Caitlyn’s speech, she talks about the transgender youth that are bullied and even commit suicide because they’re just trying to live the way they’re most comfortable in their skin. I have to admit, I remember seeing Bruce Jenner on cereal boxes as a kid and yet no one knew the suffering he was dealing with in private. I can also think about how many kids in school may get bullied and made fun of just because of their disability. I read an article saying that if Caitlyn Jenner helped one transgender youth with her speech, that made her a hero. What if her speech also helped someone with a disability, because somewhere along the line that person felt different, and as a result not adequate?  I’m not sure that’s the case but with the wide reach of the internet, anything is possible.

Whatever opinion you have about Caitlyn Jenner and what she chooses to do with her life is your own, and really not what I’m trying to focus on here. The fact that someone is attempting to use their lives to knock down barriers so that we become more compassionate to one another is what stuck out to me. Although she isn’t the first, or only celebrity to do this, I have to applaud her for being vocal on a subject that so few people mention, even in a whisper. I hope more celebrities speak out and use their names to help gain acceptance for all groups that have been coined as “different” in today’s world.

Only through acceptance of one another, no matter our differences, can we all be afforded the opportunity to experience life to the fullest. Such opportunities have the potential to open doors for things like gaining employment, having more relaxed conversations with people about dating and disability, addressing our healthcare concerns, and even being parents with a disability if that’s what we choose to pursue. The potential for open dialogue on these and many other issues has just increased tenfold because of one person’s speech about acceptance in our society.

Thanks for reading..
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Proposed U.S. Bill Helps Traveling Parents with Disabilities

Summer months are a time for kids to be out of school. It also makes me think about lazy days drinking lemonade to cool off from the hot sun, having barbecues and family reunions, just to name a few fun things. It also stirs up images of taking vacations with family. Thinking about what part of the country, or even the world, you’d like to see, or what adventure you might go on to get a break from everyday life are fun and necessary for most people to “recharge their batteries” from the stresses of life.

Have you ever thought about traveling with your baby? For most parents, while there’s lots of planning that needs to happen for the event, others may sometimes be nervous about this undertaking. Parents with disabilities may even think this isn’t a possibility for them at all. Luckily, there seems to be hope on the horizon. There’s a proposed new U.S. Bill trying to make lactation rooms available to breastfeeding mothers. The room also has to be accessible to people with disabilities. I realize that traveling with a baby or young child isn’t the easiest thing to do when you have a disability. But, due to small changes like this, we could have the opportunity to share in experiences and memories with more ease and less anxiety about the experience. People may not have given the idea of traveling a second thought but maybe now, with this new proposed Bill, parents with disabilities can think a little bit more about the possibility of travel with their families.

While the Bill isn’t intended to focus directly on parents with disabilities, I feel like it’s another step in the right direction. Whether you breastfeed your kids or not, it’s a great idea to have a room at the airport accessible to parents with disabilities to tend to their baby’s needs. I wonder how many more parents with disabilities would entertain the thought of traveling with their families, or even by themselves with their babies and young children, if they felt like airports and other entities that facilitate travel would be more welcoming to them?

Would more accessible services to parents with disabilities make you more willing to go on vacation with your family?

Thanks for reading..

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http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/ct-airport-breastfeeding-duckworth-met-20150526-story.html

Accessible Playgrounds

One of my favorite things to do is go with my son to the playground.  We’re very lucky that one of his mom’s friends doesn’t live too far and picks us up every week so that he can go and have some fun with his friends.  As a child, I remember going to the park in Brooklyn and playing on the swings but, not much else.  I also had a swing set at home and my friends used to come to my house and play for a little while when they could.

Last week, it occurred to me that most places don’t have accessible playgrounds where everyone has the opportunity not only to play but also interact with each other.  Then, I heard something on the radio about accessible playgrounds so, I did a bit of research.  There are some playgrounds in different parts of the country that are specifically constructed for kids with disabilities.  While the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) requires that public places, like public playgrounds be accessible, these modifications only need to be made to playgrounds already in existence if they’re undergoing renovations.  Accessibility of playgrounds also applies to those playgrounds being newly constructed.

Then, another thought occurred to me.  Accessible playgrounds allow for disabled parents to play at the playground with their kids too.  That’s a wonderful idea since some of the best memories we have as kids are the times we spend having fun with our parents.

What do you think about the idea of an accessible playground?

To find out more information, you can go to:

http://www.npr.org/2013/08/27/213827534/for-kids-with-special-needs-more-places-to-play

Thanks for reading..

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