Dating can be an exciting part of life. It gives you the chance to meet different people and learn about the different kinds of relationships people can experience in their lives. Dating a person with a disability may not have been anything you have considered before. Maybe you have dated someone with a disability and felt like you went about it all wrong. In the second part to this blog, I wanted to share some tips for people without a disability who might be interested in approaching someone with a disability to go on a date or begin a relationship with that other person but don’t know where to start.
We are people first. The main thing to know is that people with disabilities are people first. This idea came from a movement of self-advocates who wanted people without disabilities not to define them by their disability. The shift in the way people address those with a disability takes the focus off the disability and keeps it on the individual, where it should be. People with disabilities have interests, jobs and outside activities that shape who they are. While the disability is a part of that person, it shouldn’t be the focus. The same is true for you if you decide to go on a date with someone who has a disability. Not only will they be impressed with you not focusing on whatever limitation they have to live with, but they will know you’ll be giving them a chance to get them know them as a person instead of being caught up in a disability they more than likely see as secondary to who they are as an individual.
Every disability affects people differently. Even though a large population may have the same diagnosis, that doesn’t mean that the disability presents itself in the same way. Whatever you may have read may not be accurate. If you have any questions about someone’s disability, it is important to get the facts from the person themselves. That person is the expert on how their disability affects them. It’s a good idea, once you have become comfortable with each other to find out the facts of that person’s circumstances. Don’t make assumptions based on what you have seen or read about what that person’s life is like. Once you get to the point of learning more about how that person’s disability affects them, you may be surprised what you learn.
Get ready to learn something new. Dating can be an exciting journey for so many reasons. You get to meet different people; you get to have new experiences. Dating someone with a disability is no different. The only additional perk is that you will learn new things about how people with disabilities accomplish tasks. Most of the time people with disabilities must think outside the box to get things done. Seeing life through someone else’s eyes by spending time with them gives you a new perspective on how others navigate the world. The area of assistive technology can also show you the possibilities available by helping people compensate for the limitations a disability puts in front of them. Assistive technology are pieces of equipment someone with a disability can use to help them accomplish tasks someone without a disability can do without assistance. Seeing someone use a piece of assistive technology may also change the way you look at the world. These devices are a great way to demonstrate in real-time that a person’s limitations, physical or otherwise don’t have to limit their experiences in the world.
Be open to new experiences. Dating someone with a disability can open your eyes to many things. It can teach you about the importance of accessibility of spaces or even inclusion of people with disabilities. You may go into a relationship with someone and feel like you know everything about a disability because of what you may have seen on television or heard about from a friend. A disability affects each person differently and the only way to know about how the disability affects that person is to be open to what you may learn or in a new experience.
Be yourself. Let’s face it, everyone is nervous when it comes to dating. If you even look like you are being made uncomfortable by a person’s disability, your date is basically over. On the other hand, if you find that you have things in common and can relate to each other simply as two people on a date, the odds will be in your favor that you’ll have a good time with that person. Your date will appreciate the environment and be excited to spend that time with you. If everything goes as well as you both hope, you’ll be on your way to scheduling a second date soon.
Remember, no matter what happens at the end of the date, dating people with different disabilities gives you a chance to broaden your horizons on specific topics. Our lives are not much different than other people and given the chance you probably will see for yourself that dating someone with a disability can be a great experience for you both. You may learn something new or even learn more about yourself on a personal level. You never know what is going to happen, you may have just met your future spouse and started making memories together.
